studio apartment, red carpet
embracing the one gigantic blanket, spread on the four of us
running in the main hallways, a security guard politely requesting we take it outside
running in the parking lot
running to my aunt’s across the hall
frocks — red, blue, yellow, give me as many as you can
my cousin’s dialysis machine, beeping
she asking me to lay with her on the bed caressing my hair, telling me princess stories
seeing monsters through the kitchen wall
turning the other way to sleep
Liberty state park, my second home
Riding tricycles, bicycles, skipping rocks
Amee and Abbu argue- run to aunt’s to tell her
waiting for the elevator, pressing the down button — once, twice, thrice, until it comes
on lucky days, Amee buys glittery blue butterfly hairpins and on Fridays, she cooks pulao
a human size stuffed doll with long hair — my first lesson in braiding from my cousin
can’t draw a star in Pre-K, start crying until teacher puts red lipstick on you and takes your picture — see, you look beautiful when you smile — with red lips
three nights in Canada during the summertime, three attractions — Niagara Falls, Botanical Gardens, Dolphin Show
Abbu goes to Pakistan often, we wait for his calls, running to the phone when it rings at 8 pm
cousin dies, aunt’s house is over-crowded with women, my first visit to a funeral home, my first time seeing a dead body
we put stuffed animals on the window sill because we heard angels visit — she will visit, we are adamant and sure
moving to a new house
nightmares, screaming each night, Abu recites prayers and holds me close
nightmares go away, I get my own, little room
contents of the dressing table knocked down every time brothers and I fight
Quran classes with Sheikh Ramadan — he promises chocolate every time you recite a memorized Surah
move to Pakistan — miss home, miss everything about home
quiet, sheltered, obedient
van rides to P.S. 16, always early
report card must be good, meaning nothing less than a B, preferably nothing less than an A
make friends with everyone at school
love school, sometimes more than home
Ramadan during winters
must put mendhi on for Eid, must have matching bangles and jewellery
lectures on religion, education, relationships lasting hours and hours
study study study
omelette for breakfast on Sundays followed by Dunkin Donuts
9 pm, lights shut, go to sleep
growing up, year by year
complicated, confused, lost
— end of childhood —
