I Don’t Know Why My Mother Had So Many Kids

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

And by so many, I mean seven. My mother has birthed seven children. And on my first Mother’s Day, I can’t help but think why?

Three months ago, I gave birth to my son, Noah. Life has not been the same since then. I often contemplate if I want more children. I question my capabilities as a mother. At times I doubt my parenting skills. I’ve had a few meltdowns. Sometimes, I want to escape to a faraway place, all by myself. My relationships with those around me have changed, for better or for worst I do not know.

And all of this has happened in the span of three months.

Yet my mother who has probably spent most of her life birthing and raising children has never really spoken to me about the downs of becoming a mother. Perhaps, for her, there has been none. But in hindsight, I know there’s too much my mother has sacrificed, sometimes unwillingly, to play the role of a mother.

I know that becoming a mother is a blessing. I am aware of what it feels like when you wake up and see your child cooing and smiling at you. The feeling of warmth and pure love you feel when you hold your child close to your chest is a feeling like no other.

But I also know that becoming a mother is one of the most difficult roles I’ve had to play. It’s much more difficult than being a daughter, a…