Member-only story
This time I’m not playing. I’m vowing to be a newer version of myself in 2020. I’m writing it down here so I know that I made a commitment, to myself, to change — for the better.
After eleven months, today was the day I got to sit in a cafe and enjoy myself. Motherhood is no joke. It’s exhaustive. Before I became a mother, I was sure of who I was as a person. I spent so much time by myself, alone. Cafes were my best friend, alongside iced lattes. My mornings would start off relaxed. I’d drive my husband to work passing the Auckland harbour — a beautiful sight any time of the day. Then, I’d decide what cafe I’d spend the next few hours. This kind of freedom was taken away the day I gave birth to Noah.
I’ve enjoyed motherhood, so far. In the beginning, everything was tough mainly because there is so much responsibility. There is so much I had to do myself without anyone really understanding my sentiments. But as Noah reaches his one year birthday, I am finding it extremely necessary to going back to myself. I am a mother now — a reality that I wake up to every morning. But I also know that I am so much more than that and I guess I am desperately trying to balance out myself as an individual and myself as a mother.
